Tuesday, April 17, 2018

IF YOU GET STUCK ON THE LITTLE THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT EVER WORK ON THE BIG THINGS

If you focus your attention on the positive, you can find the power to do things that matter. Gratitude is an action word: I have to "act" on it! If I am focusing on the positive, I am going to get more gratitude, more power, and more joy.

It takes time to decipher what we really need to fully recover. What works for others may or may not work for you. Be patient! Keep things simple and keep moving. Respect yourself and your efforts to find recovery. Keep taking small risks, building trust with yourself, and focusing on the bigger picture, you will walk free if you work at it.

Here are some ideas that might help you find balance and perspective to maintain recovery.
  • Do first things first. (Take care of basics and prioritize by what matters in the long run.)

  • Do one thing at a time. (A day at a time is often too much in recovery. Think "one moment, one step, one choice and one decision at a time, so you don't feel so overwhelmed.)
  • Be true to yourself, be honest, and be kind. (Integrity builds recovery.)

  • Be at peace. (Recovery is not a box that you fit your life into: it is open and free. That doesn't mean everything is grand in your life, it means you can live in peace no matter what. Get past the idea that things are happening "to you" or because of you-they are just happening.)

  • Forget about counting days and years of recovery. (Recovery is not about days, or months, or years. You can have years of recovery and still be rigid and stuck. Recovery is an inside job: you know you are there when you are at peace with food and in balance in other areas of your life.)

  • Do what is in front of you and keep it simple. (Remember we have to take care of basics before we can do much else: if hungry, eat; if angry, find a safe outlet; if lonely, reach out; if tired, sleep; if ashamed, talk about it.)

  • Lighten up-don't take life so seriously. (In our eating disorders we spend so much time afraid and alone-lost in ourselves-that we lost the joy in life. Recovery means finding humor. Laughing at myself reduces shame and puts things back in perspective. It's not all about me, which is easier to see when I laugh and find joy. Everybody has insecurities. We get so busy looking at ourselves and our deficiencies we forget how good it feels to share our experience of life.)

  • Do the work. (In the "doing" comes the understanding and the recover: we have to do the work. We take the steps to change the way we think. When we change the way we think, we get options to change what we do. When we take the right actions, we start getting the right results. Not feeling "up to it" today? Ask yourself what you would do if you felt better-and then do it.

  • Focus on the positive, and seek balance in everything. (Balance to me means asking. Where am I focusing my energy? Then, I work on putting my energy where it matters. For instance, at work recently, I was using up way too much energy on the negative by arguing with people. It was draining! I had to remember that whatever I give out is what I get back. So I changed my attitude and perspective, which changed the dynamic completely - and I got my peace back.

  • Keep taking stock of where you are and respond accordingly. (I sometimes forget to take care of the simple things. I have to recognize that when my food and sleep get sideways, I have to change what I am thinking and doing to make sure I take care of myself so I can focus on the positive: going to church, going to meetings, talking with my partner and support people, and just doing what's in front of me.

  • Stay accountable for your thoughts and actions. (Once I got to a point where I did not want my disease to keep me stuck where I did not want my disease to keep me stuck any longer,  started keeping myself accountable for my eating disorder and support people. Anne and I used to call this "telling on ourselves," which can sound like self-shaming, but we laughed a lot. It is amazing how silly our responses to life can be. I mean there is humor in admitting that, somebody didn't respond like I thought they should when I said something completely stupid, so now I want to shove food in my face. That will totally make it all better! Come on, people: lighten up! We are only as sick as our secrets!

  • Find gratitude for what you have. (Gratitude is what makes it possible for me to do the things I need to do with love and compassion. I used to pray for the willingness to be willing. Now that comes easily because I experience the promises; I experience joy every day. It's the simple things.)

  • Get into service: it is an important aspect of balance! (When I am too absorbed with myself now, I usually catch myself and laugh. Sometimes it is easy to forget that there is a whole other existence out there! When it's all about me, life can get awfully miserable. When it's all about how I can do to help others, it's amazing. When I found recovery, I also found empathy. My eyes opened up. Now I can see where people are hurting, and usually there is something right in front of me that I can do to help.)

Monday, April 16, 2018

For anorexia nervosa, researchers implicate genetic locus on chromosome 12: Powerful genomic study of anorexia nervosa conducted to date to identify the common roots anorexia shares with psychiatric, metabolic traits





Summary:
A landmark study has identified the first genetic locus for anorexia nervosa and has revealed that there may also be metabolic underpinnings to this potentially deadly illness.
A landmark study led by UNC School of Medicine researchers has identified the first genetic locus for anorexia nervosa and has revealed that there may also be metabolic underpinnings to this potentially deadly illness.

The study, which is the most powerful genetic study of anorexia nervosa conducted to date, included genome-wide analysis of DNA from 3,495 individuals with anorexia nervosa and 10,982 unaffected individuals.
If particular genetic variations are significantly more frequent in people with a disorder compared to unaffected people, the variations are said to be "associated" with the disorder. Associated genetic variations can serve as powerful pointers to regions of the human genome where disorder-causing problems reside, according to the National Human Genome Research Institute.
"We identified one genome-wide significant locus for anorexia nervosa on chromosome 12, in a region previously shown to be associated with type 1 diabetes and autoimmune disorders," said lead investigator, Cynthia Bulik, PhD, FAED, founding director of the UNC Center of Excellence for Eating Disorders and a professor at Karolinska Institutet in Stockholm, Sweden.
"We also calculated genetic correlations -- the extent to which various traits and disorders are caused by the same genes," said Bulik.
"Anorexia nervosa was significantly genetically correlated with neuroticism and schizophrenia, supporting the idea that anorexia is indeed a psychiatric illness."
"But, unexpectedly, we also found strong genetic correlations with various metabolic features including body composition (BMI) and insulin-glucose metabolism. This finding encourages us to look more deeply at how metabolic factors increase the risk for anorexia nervosa," Bulik said.
This study was conducted by the Psychiatric Genetics Consortium Eating Disorders Working Group -- an international collaboration of researchers at multiple institutions worldwide.
"In the era of team science, we brought over 220 scientists and clinicians together to achieve this large sample size. Without this collaboration we would never have been able to discover that anorexia has both psychiatric and metabolic roots," said Gerome Breen, PhD, of King's College London.
"Working with large data sets allows us to make discoveries that would never be possible in smaller studies," said Laramie Duncan, PhD, of Stanford University, who served as lead analyst on the project.
The researchers are continuing to increase sample sizes and see this as the beginning of genomic discovery in anorexia nervosa. Viewing anorexia nervosa as both a psychiatric and metabolic condition could ignite interest in developing or repurposing medications for its treatment where currently none exist.

May 12, 2017
Source: University of North Carolina Health Care

Story Source:
Materials provided by University of North Carolina Health Care. Note: Content may be edited for style and length.


Journal Reference:
  1. Cynthia M. Bulik et al. Significant Locus and Metabolic Genetic Correlations Revealed in Genome-Wide Association Study of Anorexia Nervosa. American Journal of Psychiatry, 2017; appi.ajp.2017.1 DOI: 10.1176/appi.ajp.2017.16121402

ASSESSING SEVERITY OF EATING DISORDERS

All forms of eating disorders are dangerous. Electrolyte imbalances caused by over-exercise and other forms of purging can lead to heart failure. Health effects associated with binge eating obesity, sleep apnea, and diabetes. Anorexia is associated with the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. Regardless of type, eating disorders exist along a spectrum of severity, which, for brevity's sake, we will divide into three categories:

INCONSISTENT (irregular or intermittent):

People with inconsistent symptoms of an eating disorder may occasionally became obsessed with weight or body image, and sometimes engage in one or more behaviors that are hallmarks of a classic eating disorder: restriction of intake, bingeing, use of laxatives, enemas, exercise, or other forms of purging. Such people may or may not develop a full-blown eating disorder or be aware that their behavior is dangerous. People with occasional symptoms are usually able to maintain something that looks like a normal life and may be relatively unconcerned about changing.

CONSISTENT (regular and persistent):

People who routinely engage in eating- disordered thoughts and behaviors may be very ill, but may respond favorably to one or more treatment options such as nutritional counseling, individual therapy, intensive outpatient therapy, or inpatient treatment.

RESISTANT (obsessive and intractable):

People who become obsessed in their engagement with eating-disordered thoughts and behaviors often report feeling hopeless about their condition; many get to a point where a normal life seems impossible. Most have tried one or more forms of treatment, yet despite progress toward recovery, patterns of negative thinking (thoughts that lead to anger, resentment, fear, self-piety, shame, guilt, confusion, frustration and despair) seem impossible to escape. When such thoughts occur, people with more severe eating disorders revert to restricting, binging, and/or purging no matter how dire the consequences. People thus situated have lost faith in the idea they can walk away from their eating disorders; they have fundamentally lost trust in themselves.


Friday, April 13, 2018

8 Topics to Explore

What has been causing our emotional disturbance? We must use our new frame of reference to define a sane response or resolution to life's inevitable challenges.

8 Topics to Explore

1. Resentment:
people and institutions with which we have an old anger that was never fully resolved

2. Fear:
things that frightened or still frighten us

3. Self-pity:
reasons we felt or feel sorry for ourselves

4. Shame:
things about which we felt or feel ashamed, despite not being responsible for them

5. Guilt or "harms done":
wrongs we had done or are doing to others

6. Confusion:
situations where we felt or still feel abandoned or bewildered

7. Frustration:
things that made or make us angry, even if we have no resentment in connection to them

8. Despair:
reasons for hopelessness, past and present 

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

The 12 Steps of Eating Disorders Anonymous

  1. We admitted we were powerless over our eating disorders-that our lives had become unmanageable.
  2. Came to believe that a POWER greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of GOD as we understand god.
  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
  5. Admitted to GOD, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
  6. Were entirely ready to have GOD remove all these defects of character.
  7. Humbly asked GOD to remove our shortcomings.
  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
  10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with GOD as we understood GOD,  praying only for knowledge of GOD'S will for us and the power to carry that out.
  12. Having a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others with eating disorders, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.💓💓💓💓💓💓💓😇

FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT EATING DISORDER ANONYMOUS PLEASE VISIT
http://www.eatingdisordersanonymous.org/

Thursday, January 28, 2016

My Anorexia Story

Good Morning! Thank you for your continued support. As I head into the final leg of writing my memoir prior to publication, I've put together an inspirational video to share with you my journey. Please share with someone seeking hope and faith that all things are possible! Thank you for watching! I will be updating my blog with new research data and statistics this spring. https://youtu.be/9J3M7Q1K1cs

Friday, February 21, 2014

Friday, January 10, 2014

MY DAILY PRAYER TO OVERCOME THE CHAINS OF HELL

                                   PRAYER to RISE

                                                                  2014

         FATHER I come to YOU in the name of JESUS, asking for your help in my life. 

Thank you for knowing and loving me completely.
YOU know all of my struggles I'm facing concerning FOOD, EXERCISE and BODY IMAGE.
I CONFESS that I have turned to food to be my source of love, comfort, and joy when I should be turning to YOU instead. I ASK FOR FORGIVENESS FOR THAT.
Be Lord and Savior over my body and life.

         Father I ask for YOU to help me with my attitudes, choices and behaviors towards food. 
Where I have incorrect, unhealthy approaches, I ask, Lord, for YOU to give me GUIDANCE and WISDOM as to how and what I am supposed to eat in order to be YOUR HEALTHY CREATION.
         
         In the name and by the blood of Jesus, I cast down wrong ways of thinking and feeling about myself, whether they are from my childhood or more recent days. 
I ASK FOR FORGIVENESS in these matters, involving each person concerned.

       HELP ME TO LEARN  YOUR LOVE and YOUR WAYS, how to be YOUR daughter in spirit , soul and body, so that I may Love and glorify YOU and BE WHO YOU CREATED ME TO BE

 I ask all of this in Jesus name.

Amen.
 

Monday, December 16, 2013

NEDA AWARENESS 2014




YOU ARE HERE

Home | About


NEDAWARENESS WEEK KEY MESSAGES

The goal of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week is to promote
public and media attention to the seriousness of eating disorders and
improve education about the biological underpinnings,environmental
triggers, warning signs and how to help those struggling. Education
and direction to resources can lead to earlier detection, intervention,
and help-seeking, ultimately improving likelihood of full recovery.

2014 Theme: I Had No Idea

This year the National Eating Disorders Association is stressing the need
to address eating disorder misconceptions - as many individuals, families,
and communities are not aware of the often devastating mental and physical
consequences - and highlights available resources for treatment and support.
We urge you to talk about the pressures, attitudes and behaviors that shape
these disorders with your family, friends, colleagues and community by doing
just one thing during NED Awareness Week. Your participation will
1) raise awareness that eating disorders are serious illnesses, not lifestyle
choices; 2)provide accurate information to medical, educational and/or business
communities,and 3) direct people to potentially life-saving information and
resources about eating disorders.

Join Us, and Do Just One Thing

You don’t need to have a lot of time, money or other resources to make a
 difference.

Simply choose
one thing you will do to help. Here are a few examples:
  • Bring a NEDAwareness Week Volunteer Speaker to your PTA, workplace,
    college campus, club, etc.
  • Download and print a free copy of NEDA’s Educator Toolkit, Parent Toolkit
    and Coach & 
  • Athletic Trainer Toolkit to give to your local schools
  • Provide accurate information: Put NEDAwareness Week posters, pamphlets
    and handouts in your 
  • schools, community centers, medical offices or workplaces
  • Maximize the power of your social networking: Join our campaign by tweeting
    a fact about eating 
  • disorders, post one of the many NEDAwareness Week articles, share
    NEDAwareness
    Week videos and infographics, post the NEDA Helpline, share a link to
    NEDA’s online
    eating disorder screening

Eating disorders are serious illnesses, not lifestyle choices. 

Eating disorders are complex illnesses that arise from a combination of long-standing
behavioral,emotional, psychological, interpersonal, biological and social factors. As our
natural body size and shape is largely determined by genetics, fighting our natural
size and shape can lead to unhealthy dieting practices, poor body image and
decreased self-esteem. Body dissatisfaction and thin ideal
internalization are both significant risk factors for the development of eating disorder
behaviors like restricting and binge eating. While eating disorders may begin
with preoccupations with food and weight, they are about much more than food.
Recent research has shown that genetic factors create
vulnerabilities that place individuals at risk for acting on cultural pressures and
using food to feel in control or manage overwhelming emotions. 
In the United States, 20 million women and 10 million men suffer from a clinically
significant eating disorder at some time in their life, including anorexia nervosa,
bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder, or other specified feeding or eating
disorder (OSFED).

Education, early intervention, and access to care are critical.

Early diagnosis and intervention significantly enhance recovery. If not identified or
treated in their early stages, eating disorders can become chronic, debilitating,
and even life-threatening conditions. A review of nearly fifty years of research
confirms that anorexia nervosa has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric
disorder . As a culture, it is time for all communities to talk about eating disorders,
address their contributing factors, advocate for access to treatment and take action
for early intervention. You can make a difference: do just one thing to initiate
awareness, education and discussion about eating disorders in your community.
If we all do something, we’ll have a tremendous impact!

Help is available, and recovery is possible.

While eating disorders are serious, potentially life-threatening illnesses, help is
available and recovery is possible. It is important for those affected, and their loved
ones, to remember that they are not alone in their struggle. Others have recovered
and are now living healthy fulfilling lives. Let the National Eating Disorders Association
 (NEDA) be a part of your network of support. NEDA has information and
resources available via our website and helpline:www.NationalEatingDisorders.org,
NEDA Helpline:
800-931-2237.
Download and share the 2014 Key Messages here.
References 
Stice, E. (2002). Risk and maintenance factors for eating pathology:
A meta-analytic review.
Psychological Bulletin, 128, 825-848. PMID: 12206196
Arcelus, J., Mitchell, A. J., Wales, J., & Nielsen, S. (2011). Mortality
rates in patients with
Anorexia Nervosa and other eating disorders. Archives of General
 Psychiatry, 68(7), 724-731.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Nip Tuck Click is a documentary about the media's role in the development of eating disorders. I speak about my personal struggle with anorexia and bulimia.



NIP TUCK CLICK
DOCUMENTARY
2014
   What do you like anyone who sees this documentary to know about you?

      I’ve struggled with eating disorders for about 20 years. I developed anorexia during theonset of puberty. Eventually I developed bulimia, night time eating disorder and exercise bulimia. Along with my struggles of eating disorders I have an addictive personality. Also, I experienced brief periods of cutting and self inflicted pain.

        It’s taken my commitment to recovery about 10 years to overcome eating disorders.    I work on a daily basis to avoid triggers and relapse. Some days are easier than others depending on what’s going on in my life. 

   I’m self motivated, very private, and a strong women with great compassion for humankind. I desire to make a difference in others lives!

         I’ve experienced many tragedies before the age of 30 all of which made it even more of a challenge to get well. I’ve come to a full understanding of how my obsession with food and weight have come about. I want to share my story with others to help assist in not only their recovery but to allow family members to know they should not be held
     fully accountable for ones struggle. 

    I’m currently working as an actress and author to my memoir called MisUnderstood. MisUnderstood will be available on amazon.com this spring/summer 2014.
    Blog address: http://www.sherhudy.blogspot.com 
    Sherry's book: MisUnderstood
   What would you like them to know about your journey? 
         Recovery for me was a process and it couldn’t be done alone. Recovery for me involved a team of supporters ex. Primary Dr., Nutritionist, Priest, family, friends as well as my individual will to survive.  My journey has been a long process of educating myself on the topic to understand what I was doing could in fact kill me, keep me from baring a child and destroy many lives of the people I cared about. As I separated from my eating disordered behaviors and view of the world I learned to see the world from a fresh set of eyes with clarity.  Through medications, therapy, journaling and opening my heart to re-teaching myself how to live and love again I found myself replacing negative thinking with positive thinking.  I was a broken soul of which needed repaired.
   What would you like others to know about what you've been through?   
        Nothing is glamorous about being chained to the voice of anorexia. I  weighed myself numerous times a day and felt chained to my negative reaction to my weight. 90% of my time has been wasted thinking about, weighing and preparing food as well as negative thoughts about feeling fat, not good enough. I would workout 50-75% of my day ranging from 3-8 hrs daily “Such a waste of time!!!!!” 
      Although much time was wasted I have no regrets. I believe my struggles have taught me compassion for others as well as the desire to help others come out of the darkness. I’ve spent thousands of dollars in treatment, Dr appts, emergency room visits from passing out numerous times.
 Are there words or phrases that dislike or find completely un-informed? 
       Eating disorders are about food and weight and that all you need to do is eat! In reality, something has triggered the onset of an eating disorder. With time the individual finds they cope with the stress in one’s life by using food/exercise to cope with things beyond there control. 

  Often people say recovery is not possible but…I BELIEVE RECOVERY IS A PROCESS AND  POSSIBLE TO SURVIVE!

      What recovery really means…It’s more than just eating…See page 21) 
    Are there questions people ask you over and over?
·        How many calories do you eat?
·        What was your lowest weight?
·        Why did you want to lose so much weight?
·        Did you think you were fat?
·        Did you think if you were thinner you would be more attractive?
·        What was the key factor in the development of your eating disorder? (It’s complicated genes, society, stress, peers, media…) 

Can you talk about your childhood a bit…What were you like when you were little? 

When I was young my parents moved from the city to the country. I grew up on a small farm with horses, ducks, chickens, cat’s dogs... I had an older brother who passed away from brain cancer at 30 years old and a younger sister who currently struggles with anorexia and bulimia.  I was a good kid respectful of my parents.  I took on the responsibility of cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping I remember organizing closets and writing lists and having my first planner by 4th grade. Parents worked long hours therefore a lot of responsibility fell on my shoulders (but I was ok with it as a kid I suppose I accepted my responsibilities and adapted).  I do feel I had a bit of a lost childhood…but with that said...  I was quite a mixture of being girly girl/tom boy. I loved ruffles and dirt bikes. Most children in my area where boys. I had a lot of male friends because jealousy was a non issue.  I felt a lot of stress as a child…constantly seeking approval of my parents even still to this day particularly of my father. I come from a family of 4 generations of eating disorders. The process and development of each generation struggling with anorexia/bulimia has become more complicated to treat because my sister and I have struggled the longest. 
What was your family like when you were in childhood? 
        On the outside people thought we were the perfect family. Dad had a great job in the entertainment industry, mom worked as a nurse, we had horses and a beautiful home with land. We had weekly movie and pizza night, sunday dinners, elaborate parties with friends and family (we even had a stage a few times and live bands).
     All that was wonderful and I am very grateful…but as I desired perfection and now know its unattainable I was sensitive to the ugly side behind those closed doors…My mom was withdrawn during my adolescence and spent most of her time working, with her animals. My mom showed dogs and horses. My mom  was often in chronic pain/ my brother was reckless above and beyond normal boys stuff involving guns, drugs, fights, very destructive in our home and in society…we had a very strained relationship through our childhood he was picked on a lot at school because he was short and not athletic and a bit of a slow learner…this broke my heart as a sister as I knew he simply just had no direction or guidance/My sister was quiet, sweet, sensitive…she was a tender soul. My sister looked to me as a role model and mom.
  
         My father was my role model. He worked hard was a man of his word. He loved his family although kind of a tough love but considering where he came from he was a great dad. My dad set high expectations for himself and others. As children we simply needed our parents around more to guide and set boundaries for us.  My parents fought a lot became 2 ships passing in the night
                          Can you remember the 1st time you were affected by the image of somone?
·        3’s company Suzanne Somers 1976-1984
·        Karen Carpenter Music and image/she died of anorexia
·        Brady Bunch the girls
·        Anita Cousin I thought she was thinner then myself but as I look back on old photo’s she wasn’t
·        A photo of my friend from age of birth until 8 who was molested as well I thought she was thinner but she was younger then myself
·        As I got older Demi Moore etc…always compared myself to stars.
 Can you talk about when your eating disorder started?
·   I started out with an innocent diet 11 years old on spring break we were cooking out and I didn’t want hamburgers and hotdogs…my uncle made the statement oh, we have a vegetarian in the family. Then I began eliminating foods meats, then fats, then breads, then sugars
· By 13 (8th grade cheerleading) I was a vegetarian no meats just dotage cheese and eggs for protein
  What were some of the emotions surrounding that time?
·        Anxious
·        In the beginning I was proud of my accomplishment and attention but by the time I was a freshman I tried to commit suicide and the attention surrounding my issues only made it worse when I was trying to get better (Because I felt anorexia controlling me and I hated feeling out of control and controlled by anything)
                        Did you ever use “digital media” or online communications such as PROANA sites during your eating disorder?
·        My eating disorder in the early stages was a time where we didn’t have as much access to these types of sites and when they were available I was on my way to recovery. My experience with those sites triggered negative behaviors and thoughts
·        I do recall searching databases for others struggling to converse on how to overcome my issues.
·        When treatment centers weren’t helping I began my search for knowledge… Pale-Reflections was a site I used to gain knowledge and diagnosis that I did in fact have an eating disorder. But that wasn’t until college age 18-22 this site has a no trigger rating just explains about eating disorders and has info on new research on the subject
·        I despise individuals who glamorize what it’s like to be sick and struggling with an eating disorder “It’s triggering, cruel and unjust!”
      Can you talk to me about triggers and how they have been a factor for you?
·        I didn’t realize what triggers were until I was in my early 20’s while in a therapy session. I learned that triggers are something that can set off an eating disorder.
·        Because my eating disorder went on for so many years different triggers affected me at different times in my life
TRIGGERS:
·        Classes with a mirror aerobics, dance
·        Bad relationships with men high school sweetheart 16-21
·        Modeling/traveling with boxing/ my poster on gym wall (asked them to move it to an area I couldn’t see it)
·        California the pressures of LA training with professional athletes worked out 3 times a day with a nutritionist
·        $$ too much too fast at the age of 21/ current time not enough at times
·        Certain friends that talked about diets and weight issues
·        My parents talking about food/weight pressure to eat (moved out on my own at the age of 20)
·        Certain movies with this girls
·        Stress from committing to too much dropped out of college 4 times…But remained an honors status while seeking treatment
·        Gym…if I saw an anorexic I would not train close to them, train at different times or switch gyms all together
·        Some jobs boxing (ring girls, Budweiser girls), Papa John’s being alone with food, Cleaning hotel rooms my first year in college
·        Sometimes just isolating and being trapped in my own thoughts
******I needed to find healthier ways to deal with people and life stresses ex. Use my creativity, make new positive friends and set attainable goals for (college, work, modeling and weight)
     Did you keep your eating disorder a secret? Can you talk about your emotions you were feeling or hiding?
·        I kept my eating disorder a secret for four years (age 11-15 approx) until I tried to commit suicide my freshman year…I missed a few weeks of school and was treated for depression with no formal diagnosis of anorexia at that time
·        Looking back as a freshman I think it was obvious as I began withdrawing from things Ex. Cheerleading, track, friends, family…started missing school and sleep in class “I felt completely trapped in my body and isolated In my thinking
·        Anorexia would just get worse from then on until my early to mid twenties when I went back and forth with bulimia then night time eating disorder
·        In California I never mentioned it but my boyfriend (Pro boxing) eventually after a few moths I was there saw I had a problem/ after my return from California is when it got really bad the next few years
·        I wore baggy clothes a lot, not available at dinner time, never ate lunch at school (Not once!!)
·        I felt anxious, deceitful, sneaky, depressed at times, confused when fasted, lonely and isolated
·        The bizarre thing about anorexia and bulimia is when I was following a strict regime when in a full blown eating disorder (anorexia) I felt in control of my life UNTIL…Anorexia took over my mind and I couldn’t stop my negative patterns of behavior when I really desired to!
·        But, when I was bulimic I was filled with much more shame and out of control!!!!!!!!!!! 
 How long was it you told someone about your eating disorder or someone found out what you were going through?
·        My senior year in high school worked out at a local gym, the owners and good friend Lonnie of mine saw I was losing weight and obsessed with images of thin girls, food, weight and working out for many hours
·        I never said the words “I have an eating disorder” until I was in my twenties when I returned from California. I knew one of the main reasons I returned home was to get well. I told 2 male friends (both of which had body issues) Matt and Lonnie/While in California I met with a Nutritionist who calculated my daily consumption of 300-500 calories and asked if I had a problem I DENIED IT!
·        I had a girlfriend I traveled with in modeling that was bulimic we talked briefly but never in length. She often asked me different diet tragedies to lose weight…this friendship ended as it was not healthy for me.
·        I never said I was Anorexic at the time…never referred to myself that way. Only now that I’m well can I saw I was anorexic and had multiple eating disorders!
·        When I began serious discussions in treatment after my return from California it was evident at 90 then 80lbs that I was ANOREXIC…by this point I struggled for about 10 years!!
·        My parents had divorced and my mom was in denial/ my dad knew but didn’t really know what to do until I almost died
·        A few people in College made a statement they thought I had a problem but never confronted me (sorority girls) we just didn’t talk about it                         How were you feeling emotionally when you were hospitalized each time?
·        Fear of gaining weight
·        Weak/confused/anxious
·        Angry/exhausted/depressed/disgusted with myself
                         What would you like to tell society about eating disorders?
·        Eating disorders are real!
·        Anorexia is the leading cause of death amongst all psychiatric illnesses…20% of anorexics die if they go untreated! 2/10
·        The earlier you catch an eating disorder and treat it the more likely you can make a full recovery
·        Eating disorders are not about the food but the need for control in one’s life
·        There is nothing good that comes of an eating disorder!!!!
·        You lose touch with reality/waste precious time to something more meaningful with your life/lose friends/waste time to create memories/ lose your smile/ lose your self esteem
·        30-40% of girls 6-12 have been on a diet
·        86% report onset of eating disorder before age 20
·        The # of eating disorders has doubled in the last 10 years
·        The # of women suffering with bulimia tripled in the last 5 years
·        See page 14 from blog “23 things anorexia will strip you of”
What kind of misconceptions did people have about what you’ve been through?
·        I think people just thought I liked to work out and was caught up in how I looked
·        Many thought my struggles were primarily from the stress of modeling but don’t realize how far back my issues began
·        I would think some people thought I was either self centered or simply messed up 
Can you talk to me about recovery? Your emotions surrounding it?
·        For me recovery was a long process considering how long I struggled
·        There was many vital components to the process of recovery and one key component was finding the right team of Dr’s
·        Support from family and friends
·        Once I made the commitment to recovery I knew one day I would get better
·        I spent a lot of time educating myself on what I was experiencing
·        I learned to avoid triggers and people who fed into it
·        I acknowledged food was a gift and necessary to survive
·        Re-feeding was extremely painful! I do still have issues with digestion…esophagus, stomach, bowel…(Note: recent diagnosis of Systemic Scleroderma an autoimmune disease)
·        Emotions were overwhelming at times…I shed many tears. I felt a lot of fear. I was often Anxious and Angry for what I had done to myself
                        What messages would you like to see out in society about eating disorders and recovery?
·        RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE!!!
·        Eating disorders are a serious and often complex manifestation of underlying issues
·        Every individuals journey is different then the next so… expect the process of recovery to vary

RECOVERY MEANS A LOT MORE THAN EATING...
Recovery at minimum means:
-For women menstrual period return to normal
-Normal to near normal weight is maintained
-A balanced diet of a normal variety of foods and not just those which are low in fat, sugar or low calorie
-Appropriate relationships with family members
-Mutually satisfying relationships which are healthy and with normal people
-Appreciating the process of making choices and having consequences
-Individual No longer drives oneself with criticism and demands for any unrealistic performance
-Gains strong ability for problem solving

                        Do you expect someone to “GET IT” who hasn’t suffered to a degree?
·        NO! 
 If you could help them understand what would you say?
·        Anorexia is like having a friend you know isn’t good for you but can’t figure out how to part ways with.
·        Anorexia in the beginning stages is like having a shot of alcohol at first (just enough to feel you can handle life…) then before you know it you drank the whole bottle and there is no turning back because it’s in your blood. The only difference is you don’t simply wake up in the morning with a hangover! You become chained to the obsession and lose complete control over all aspects of your life!