Wednesday, April 24, 2019


How do you view your life’s current circumstances?
If your a parent, are you aware of your child’s current state of mind behind closed doors?
If your a friend, do you give as much as you receive?
Do you recognize every choice you make impacts many lives around you?

As a parent, friend and mentor to individuals struggling with addiction, eating disorders and depression, my heart goes out to those who have lost their way. As a mother I understand the pressures my daughter faces at just 12 years old. Raising children today with social media can be a daunting task. Often parents turn a blind eye at what their children are exposed to. We are living in a time where things move extremely fast. Most children are not equipped to deal with the fallout or consequences that occur on social media. I do believe without the support of a strong family network this in large part is where kids today start spiraling into a black hole of isolation, drug addiction, eating disorders and suicidal thinking. Keyboard courage is destroying many children’s lives at a very impressionable age.

Unfortunately the family unit isn’t as strong as it once was. Men are confused what their role is In society as well as in the home. Women are no longer just staying home to monitor their children closely. Today parents are juggling many hats. But, is it all worth it? When I look at the women’s movement...I without question feel women should be given equal pay and opportunity to provide for their family...however, the statistics don’t lie.

My journey overcoming eating disorders and addiction was exhausting. I understand the fight within the mind of a parent to be there for their children as well as the pressure to provide as well. However, how much $$$ is more important then our children.

As part of my daily routine I watch inspirational video’s made by motivational speaker and life coach Trent Shelton. In his work he gives words of wisdom on all aspects of life. One clip I found to be interesting particularly raising a pre-teen is “EVERYONE ISN’T YOUR FRIEND!” I found this video important to share with anyone who has felt abandoned in their relationships.

After watching Trent’s videos’s, I reflected on the uncertainty of what once was a unified family unit.
Statistics show the divorce rate in the US alone is 40-50% for all marriages. Of those marriages 70% of women made that pivotal choice to break up the family unit.

So, what does that mean? Well...statistics show the drug overdose rate is three times higher in 2016 then it was in 2019. The suicide rate from 2000-2016 increased by 30%. For girls this number has tripled. Suicide is the second leading cause of death for all Americans from age 10-34 years of age.

Today I ask you fill your mind with 40 positive messages “daily”! Do this daily! As we work on developing positive self worth we are less likely to fall pre to bad relationships, greed, drugs, eating disorders and depression. Watch a few of Trent Shelton’s video’s. I believe without a doubt you will not feel alone! Let’s start the process of re-gaining control over our families before it’s too late!!!

Keep Smiling!


Sample Video Trent Shelton:
Eating Disorder Statistics:

Monday, April 22, 2019

BREAKTHROUGH...The healing language of love!

Have you ever heard someone say they don’t believe in god? 
We’ve all heard no one person can be an island and people need people.
Does love in of itself fix everything? 
Have you ever witnessed a miracle? 
Do you know what a “grace” is?

The film BREAKTHROUGH is about a 14 year old boy played by Marcel Ruiz who is drowns in a lake, a faithful mother played by Crissy Metz who prays for him to come back from the brink of death and to be treated. 

As I watched BREAKTHROUGH I wondered how many people would walk away from the theater and become a believer. I understood the power of prayer in my personal life like many of you reading my blog. It has not gone un-noticed the number of supporters that have follow me and struggle with an eating disorder, addiction, depression or suicidal tendencies. 

As a mother to a healthy twelve year old daughter, I am a proud christian who doesn’t take life for granted. Unfortunately my mom lost my brother and her only son at the age of thirty. We too prayed for a miracle like you see in the film BREAKTHROUGH. Over a period of two years we accepted god’s will for his life and said our goodbyes. 

I will forever remember my mother praying over my brother asking god to heal him for he knew it was him alone that had ultimate control.

My brother stopped walking, talking and eating about a week before he went into a coma. I will forever remember the amazing grace god gave me ten days into my brother fell into a coma. It was a typical day. I washed his face, hands and feet. I talked to him, told him I loved him and reminded him I knew he could hear me. I prayed silently, did the sign of the cross on myself and my brother as well. I hugged him and kisses his forehead. I slowly walked to the front door. I feared every day I left it might be the last time I would see him before he passed away. As I approached the door I turned around and told him I love you! Something felt different. I didn’t want to leave. Within a minute after telling him I loved him he moved his arm. I said, “Robby, your hear me! I know you do!! And after ten days of being in a coma he said, “I love you!” I couldn’t believe it. This I know was a gift. I felt so extremely grateful. I knew the tumor reached his brainstem and he would never walk or eat again. I knew he would eventually die. But, I never thought I would hear him talk again let alone hear him tell me he loved me. I walked over  to my mom and gave her a hug and thanked her for being strong. Her faith is god carried all of us through this difficult period of time.

When I left that day I kept playing over in my mind two specific incidences.
1.  About three months before my brother stopped talking and walking we had a conversation about my health.  He told me to start living instead of dying. I felt so selfish for being trapped in the mindset of an anorexic knowing his fate, future and days were limited. I promised I would work one day at a time to regain control over my life. I won’t lie it was difficult. I wished I could take back the fifteen years. I felt trapped in my body and obsessive thinking. However, his suffering inspired me to begin my journey towards a better way of living. This journey would take another fifteen years to fully open my eyes to god’s amazing gifts he had in store for me. 

2. The other moment that wouldn’t escape my mind was when I was 80lbs passed out and my mom called the EMS, the first of many. My mom prayed that day more then ever before. I felt ashamed for the pain I was causing in my families life. Yet I was determined to pick up the pieces of my life. I felt the love and devotion Crissy Metz had for her son in the film BREAKTHROUGH. 

Today I can say without a doubt GOD IS REAL !!
Love is vital to the healing process. I am so grateful for films like BREAKTHROUGH that will allow for families to open up about the topics of conversation about god his healing love and power to change our lives. I can only hope as a producer on our film WORTHY you will walk away without questioning god is real as well. Just as important we must acknowledge god has an amazing plan for each and every one of us, there is a driving force that is trying to keep us from seeing his will for our life. 


Thank you for your continued support by reading, sharing and liking  my blog!  
My memoir MISUNDERSTOOD will be released in 2020!

For more info about our film WORTHY...visit our facebook page: WORTHY-THE MOVIE 🎥

Thursday, April 18, 2019

How your perceptions become your reality? What if they have a negative impact on future generations?

How do people become so broken they resort to drugs, eating disorders, violence and racism?
As someone who has written a lot about my struggles regarding my distorted perception of myself, there are parts of my story that unfortunately were left out because of editing.

 As an artist, mentor, actress and story teller...I felt it was important to expand on the value of forgiveness. Many years ago in recovery one of the first books I read was a daily devotional book called Forgiving and Moving On. I read this book many times. I clearly understood what it meant to forgive others for the things that I had experienced in my life. Yet...It would take another twenty years to forgive myself for things I didn’t quite understand that were holding me back from growing as an adult

Our experiences shape the way we think, the choices we make and give us the opportunity to choose how we will react to them.

How are we as parents influencing our children to think differently about co-existing in a world of such high level of racism and tension?

As parents we know we must lead by example to guide our children to co-exist in a complex society we are living in today.

Don’t let your passed define you. Every day is a new opportunity to grow and evolve.

As I watched the movie Best of Enemies,  I thought about my personal experiences and what those experiences had on my life. If we all took a moment to watch this film and shared our experiences with each other I truly feel society would have more compassion and understanding for each other.

This is my story... I grew up in a mostly white school. However, we had just a fee blacks in our school. One of which was my very best friend. Her name was Latrinda Slater. My life was turned upside down when her father was called to duty and left the Ravenna Arsenal. I knew I would most likely never see her again. As kids we didn’t see color. We played equally and life was just...simple!!!

As I approached high-school, I had the complete opposite experience with our dance coach. Was it the color of her skin or a clash of the alfa females? I will never know.

As I gained my footing as a young adult and went off to dances and met boys It was made very clear that black boys liked me and their female friends “despised me”. This was a very difficult period of my life knowing I had lost a best friend who was also black. I felt completely misunderstood and targeted every weekend when I would meet my friends to go dancing. I know many of you can relate to this on some level. Even if it isn’t racially charged...middle school was just different. My perception of myself was changing and I hated it. This angered me but, even more so it made me sad for so many reasons! I didn’t look at blacks the way people talk about. It was as if I was being forced to change my perception based on how “I” looked.

During this time my father who had nothing more then a high-school education worked his way up the ladder at the Coliseum where all the huge concerts were held at the time. Then he became the VP of a program that trains individuals skills to get them off welfare. He worked 50-60 hours a week. He loved his job. He loved helping others feel like that had a purpose. During this time some of the students  stole his car with all our Christmas gifts in it and caught it on fire. This destroyed me. This was life changing...
I lived in fear. I began fasting and so the story of my eating disorder continued...

Over the next few decades I had some really amazing personal growth and experiences in the film industry that re-shaped my view of the world. Particularly when I worked on Alex Cross with Tyler Perry and Cicily Tyson. The entire cast and crew was amazing!

My hope is that by watching Best of Enemies society will realize we as adults have a lot of waking up to do! Addiction is at an all time peak!!! Nothing is to big to overcome. Sometimes we make it out to bigger then what it is in our mind. WE HAVE ALL GONE THROUGH SOMETHING....YOUR NOT ALONE!

No matter what you go through in life....forgiveness is a game changer!  Forgiveness keeps your heart open and your soul alive!


Wednesday, April 10, 2019

How to create balance in your life...

The most common struggle I’ve found through working with individuals struggling with depression, addiction and eating disorders is they often acknowledge their life feels unbalanced. So many times we’ve heard the saying, “Strive for balance between your mind, body and spirit!” This can be a difficult task for someone in the midst of depression or addiction. I too found myself in that same place more then once in my life.

What I learned was every single person is unique in finding their path towards happiness. Nobody can do that for them. However, that first step to reach out is the most important gift you can give yourself throughout the process of recovery. While not every person on your team will have the answers for you, by taking that first step to reach out you place yourself in a position to begin learning things about yourself you never fully understood before. Right...this is what all therapist do...they help you process your feelings, emotions and stress you are experiencing in your life.

Once our minds begin to process these emotions we are more inclinded to start that process of recovery. If our minds arr disconnected from our body them our spirit is most likely broken as well. A broken spirit simply doesn’t allow you to see the growth and efforts you are making on your journey.

I understand what it was like to isolate thinking I was completely MISUNDERSTOOD. I felt trapped in my head with perfectionistic standards and felt like a hamster running non stop on a wheel going nowhere fast!!!

Today I ask you to:
1. Reach out to someone you feel might understand wht your going through. Call a friend, therapist, Dr or family member and know that you are only alone if you continue to make that choice.

2. Make a list of short and long term goals.

3. Go online and write a few positive affirmations and place them on your mirror in your bathroom, next to your bed, in your car and at work.

4. Order a book in relation to what it is you are struggling with...depression, addiction, eating disorders or something specific to your struggles

5. Take five minutes every morning and pray. Ask god to bless your eyes, ears and heart to see hear and feel his love to guide you on your journey.

6. Do something you’ve been putting off because of anxiety or depression...and when your done ask yourself “was that really as difficult as you made it out to be?”

7. Before bed give thanks for the blessings in your life!!

Thats it!!!!

As you work towards connecting your mind body and spirit keep a journal about how you are feeling every day. Remember what worked for you and remove what wasn’t effective.

Life truly is about taking chances...trial and error!

Everything in life is temporary and I promise you no matter how uncertaim your life might be at times “this too shall pass!”

Keep smiling😊😊😊

Below are a few great books to read about eating disorders and body image.


Monday, April 8, 2019

“Adversity doesn’t build character it reveals it!”

While having the opportunity to work on two amazing films as a producer, one of which is called Worthy a christian drama and Empty an educational non profit film about eating disorders to be offered in schools,  I recognized both linked me to all that I have gone through in my personal life.

It did not excape my mind a conversation I had with my brother who passed away of brain cancer at 31 years old. He told me to follow my dreams because he wouldn’t have the opportunity to. Not only did I recognize that...but, I was reminded of how many years I spent trapped in a viscoous cycle of anorexia, bulimia, addiction and taking care of everyone but myself...30 years😳😳😳

When my brother passed away, I felt Empty for many years. A few years after losing my brother I felt called to convert to Catholosism🙏. I prayed a lot and often about my purpose in life. I acknowledged, God helps those who helps themselves!”

I knew when god put Kaitlyn Chana the president of Reel Stories Real People in my path I had a mission to accomplish. By working towards creating an educational film with a guided curriculum for schools, I believed it would help students in higher education schools start the conversation surrounding the topic of eating disorders. It has been a challenge for sure to raise funding for this project. However, I believed without a doubt after personally struggling for thirty years with anoreixa, bulimia and nighttime eating disorder... I longed for this type of converstaion when I was  confused about my body changing during puberty. I needed to have a better understanding about eating disorders and how they not only impact my life both those around me.

During this time, I met Bruce Snyder, the director of Worthy; which is a christian drama about suicide, depression, addiction, eating disorders, infidelity and how satan takes over our minds and wrecks our lives in the blink of an eye. Bruce and I were very passionate about our lifes work as individuals to help others as well as artists.

I believed these films could change the lives of so many people stuggling with eating disorders, depression, addiction and suicidal tendencies. Bruce, Kaitlyn and I believed people are desperately looking for answers to find comfort in knowing that if we lived by faith and not by site alone god is waiting to heal each and everyone of us.

Below are a few excerpts from my memoir from a conversation I had with my brother just a couple months before he passed away.  Also, attached is a lettter my daughter wrote to my brother whom she never met. However, Isabella knew just how much of an impact my brother had on my life and surprised me with a letter to leave at his grave.

If you would like to hear more about our educational non-profit film about eating disorders called Empty you can visit our site.

If you would like to hear more about our christian drama Worthy I am producing please visit our site.
Thank you for your support and donations!
We are currently in pre-production on Worthy and hope to begin filming Fall-Winter 2019.
We are currently working on our guided curriculum on our educational film Empty and slated to begin filming in 2020-2021.

If you would like to be a producer on these projects, Please email me:

Wednesday, April 3, 2019


The moment in time when I realized I could eat a pack of m&m’s and savor every minute of them...This was a turning point in the process of my recovery. I was a mentor to individuals struggling with eating disorders. By attaching the words Music and Movement to M&M’s I continued to write about my journey while listening to music while walking or doing cardio at the gym as I processed the who, what, where, when and why I struggled for so many years with anorexia and bulimia. 
While working with clients theough mentorconnect I asked those I worked with to do the same thing. As they better understood the root of how their eating disorder began we were able to work through those difficult diacussions that needed to take place. As each client moved forward at their own pace in recovery the imagry of m&m’s was a reward for opening up about their personal strugglea. My clients gained self compassion the more they better understood the who, what, where, when and why of their struggle with addiction. 

Music and movement was simply a way to help them to learn to expreas themselves. My clients seemed to be more open once they were living a more balanced life. Often times I would have my clients call me after doing a workbook page that had something to do with listening to a song that triggered an emotion. 
My hope is that something that seems so simple as I’ve mentioned here, you might try yourself. 
I know first hand...recovery is a process and different for every individual. 

Be patient and believe in the process. Never give up!!!

Best wishes on your journey throughout recovery! 

Below are excerpts from my memoir Misunderstood coming out in 2020🤗🤗🤗

Tuesday, April 2, 2019


What do you see when you look at old photo’s of yourself? While writing my memoir Misunderstood  it was a daunting task to revisit old photos and call upon painful memories associated with each and every photo. I wanted to be honest with myself in the recovery process of struggling with anorexia, bulimia and nighttime eating disorder. In doing so, I realized a lot about what triggered each and every cycle of fasting and binging I was experiencing. There was a lot of painful memories associated with these photos. However, I had many memories that brought great happiness during a time of balance in my life as well. As a part of self discovery I found it very helpful to remind myself to continue to strive for balance in my life by reflecting upon these photos from time to time. What I found most interesting was that it wasn’t about how I looked per say...It was how I felt deep down inside. What was I feeling? Why was I so broken? What was missing in my life? Why did it feel as if I was hiding from living a life of fullfillment when I had so much compassion for othera but none for myself.

I recall a Dr. telling me when I was 20 years old and weighed 83 lbs. that I needed to set boundaries in my life. I had NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANT!!! From that day foreard I was reminded that if I chose not to set boundaries in my life nobody else would do it for me. I was forced to recognize if I stayed on the path I was on I could die from starving myself as I internalized my anxiety and pain. And still to this day 25 years later I struggle from time to time with setting boundaries. But, I recognize it and make an effort daily. To me this gives me hope that I am on the right path. I care deeply about the human condition. I have great compassion for others. If anything I hope that my readers and those I mentor understand the best gift you can give yourself is self compassion. However, if you do not set boundaries self compassion is virtually impossible to achieve.

If your struggling with addiction, suicidal tendencies, eating disorders or depression, tale a look at 8-10 photos from years previous. Think about your mental mindset. What were you missing in your life? What do you want your future to look like? Invision it, pray about your needs as an individual and know that all things are possible with direction and the proper mindset.

Try this again around the holiday’s and see how far you have grown. My hope is that each and every person who reads my blog and memoir will find internal growth, understanding, wisdom and self compassion. This is your life and you have the opportunity ro change course!!!

Let’s do it!!!!