WHO DOESN’T LIKE M&M’s...ALL IT TAKES IS A LITTLE MUSIC AND MOVEMENT

The moment in time when I realized I could eat a pack of m&m’s and savor every minute of them...This was a turning point in the process of my recovery. I was a mentor to individuals struggling with eating disorders. By attaching the words Music and Movement to M&M’s I continued to write about my journey while listening to music while walking or doing cardio at the gym as I processed the who, what, where, when and why I struggled for so many years with anorexia and bulimia. 

While working with clients theough mentorconnect I asked those I worked with to do the same thing. As they better understood the root of how their eating disorder began we were able to work through those difficult diacussions that needed to take place. As each client moved forward at their own pace in recovery the imagry of m&m’s was a reward for opening up about their personal strugglea. My clients gained self compassion the more they better understood the who, what, where, when and why of their struggle with addiction. 

Music and movement was simply a way to help them to learn to expreas themselves. My clients seemed to be more open once they were living a more balanced life. Often times I would have my clients call me after doing a workbook page that had something to do with listening to a song that triggered an emotion. 

My hope is that something that seems so simple as I’ve mentioned here, you might try yourself. 

I know first hand...recovery is a process and different for every individual. 

Be patient and believe in the process. Never give up!!!

Best wishes on your journey throughout recovery! 

Below are excerpts from my memoir Misunderstood coming out in 2020🤗🤗🤗

FACES OF ANOREXIA AND BULIMIA AND SETTING BOUNDARIES

What do you see when you look at old photo’s of yourself? While writing my memoir Misunderstood  it was a daunting task to revisit old photos and call upon painful memories associated with each and every photo. I wanted to be honest with myself in the recovery process of struggling with anorexia, bulimia and nighttime eating disorder. In doing so, I realized a lot about what triggered each and every cycle of fasting and binging I was experiencing. There was a lot of painful memories associated with these photos. However, I had many memories that brought great happiness during a time of balance in my life as well. As a part of self discovery I found it very helpful to remind myself to continue to strive for balance in my life by reflecting upon these photos from time to time. What I found most interesting was that it wasn’t about how I looked per say...It was how I felt deep down inside. What was I feeling? Why was I so broken? What was missing in my life? Why did it feel as if I was hiding from living a life of fullfillment when I had so much compassion for othera but none for myself.

I recall a Dr. telling me when I was 20 years old and weighed 83 lbs. that I needed to set boundaries in my life. I had NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANT!!! From that day foreard I was reminded that if I chose not to set boundaries in my life nobody else would do it for me. I was forced to recognize if I stayed on the path I was on I could die from starving myself as I internalized my anxiety and pain. And still to this day 25 years later I struggle from time to time with setting boundaries. But, I recognize it and make an effort daily. To me this gives me hope that I am on the right path. I care deeply about the human condition. I have great compassion for others. If anything I hope that my readers and those I mentor understand the best gift you can give yourself is self compassion. However, if you do not set boundaries self compassion is virtually impossible to achieve.

If your struggling with addiction, suicidal tendencies, eating disorders or depression, tale a look at 8-10 photos from years previous. Think about your mental mindset. What were you missing in your life? What do you want your future to look like? Invision it, pray about your needs as an individual and know that all things are possible with direction and the proper mindset.

Try this again around the holiday’s and see how far you have grown. My hope is that each and every person who reads my blog and memoir will find internal growth, understanding, wisdom and self compassion. This is your life and you have the opportunity ro change course!!!

Let’s do it!!!!

10 STEPS TO A POSITIVE BODY IMAGE

TRIGGERS AND EATING DISORDERS

TRIGGERS= Anything that serves as a stimulus and initiates or precipitates a reaction or series of reactions to initiate or precipitate a behavior or process. (Ex. chain of events, specific reaction, psychological process)

5 TRIGGERS

TRIGGER #1 EMOTIONS

1. Not feeling loved makes me self destructive
2. Exposing myself too much emotionally can allow for a relapse
3. Need for control…{stressful situations make me want to relieve my anxiety through exercise to regain control over my life}
4. Feelings of sadness, unhappy, disappointed make me want to seek the adrenaline rush from working out as I process these feelings

TRIGGER #2 STRESS

1. Currently Scleroderma diagnosis,
2. Dr. Visits and constantly being weighed and it being discussed
3. Weighing myself multiple times a day and repeating those numbers in my head
4. Remembering medications, treatment options (see more in my book🙏 Misunderstood coming out in 2020)

TRIGGER #3 SELF TALK

1. Lose 1-2-3 more lbs and I will be happy but that’s never the case
2. Resetting goals and weight being included to lose weight (see more in my book 🙏Misunderstood coming out in 2020)

TRIGGER #4 SOCIAL PRESSURE/PEOPLE

1. Hearing people talk about diets or exercise
2. My parents and their comments about my weight

TRIGGER #5 ENVIRONMENTAL CUES

1. Summer pool season with daughter feeling pressure to wear shorts and show my legs
2. Winter I typically workout more so I don’t get depressed. I can layer my clothes so nobody can see I’ve lost weight.
3. Early spring I fast to lost weight for summer (I naturally do this without thinking) I end up being dehydrated and get sick like clockwork and hate that I do it. This is something I’m working on regarding the transition in seasons here in Ohio.
4. Fall seems to be the most balanced time of year for me statistically speaking.
5. I didn’t start wearing t-shirts to the gym until just a few years ago. For about twenty-five years I hid behind sweatshirts and baggy pants. After having my daughter I realized at my age it was time to try to start appreciating my body and stop hiding from it. This was a huge milestone i accomplished in the last few years.
   

   

HAPPINESS

If you were asked to define happiness what would your definition include?

The ancient greeks define happiness as:
“Happiness is the joy that we feel when we’re striving after our potential.”

Shirley Maclaine, Acadamy Award Winning Actress, said:
“To be happy, you have to be willing to be ok with NOT knowing.”

Michael J. Fox said:
“My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance and inverse proportions to my expectations.”

In the Movie Kodachrome, Ed Harris (a dieing man) says happiness is a myth. He states, “ happiness is narcissism, ambition, sex and rage.”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-addiction-connection/201506/whats-your-definition-happiness?amp

50 BOOKS TO READ ABOUT EATING DISORDERS

https://bookriot.com/2018/05/24/books-about-eating-disorders/

Note: Some books might be triggering.

REGAIN SELF TRUST