Recovery is about the effort...the willingness and committment to become whole.

WHAT DOES RECOVERY LOOK LIKE?

Recovery is a unique process for each and everyone one of us. My name is Sherry Hudak-Weinhardt. I've been on the journey towards recovery for well over thirty years. Recovery looks very different for me today then it did just one year ago. As life changes we learn how to juggle our individual stress with the hope of just teetering on the brink of hospitalization. As I continue to write about my story on my blog, memoir and Facebook page Reel Stories Real People, my hope is others will see Eating Disorders are a debilitating illness that does nothing more then strip you of your time, friends, family, health, career and future.  

I have found it of great value to read materials that are positive, educational and inspirational throughout my recovery. I've read well over two-hundred books on the topic. Every day I find something new and different that inspires me. That inspiration can come in many forms. I'm inspired by those who have been defeated yet don't give up. Those who are persistent and reap the reward for their success is inspiring to me. Doing something for others, smiling at a stranger or helping someone out of pure kindness are all healing to ones soul. I'm active with mentoring teenagers who struggle with eating disorders and addiction. Every year I provide useful tools to our local schools, gyms and churches to educate families on how to bridge the gap between how an eating disorder begins, as well as  what we can do as a community to help those struggling with an eating disorder find a more successful path towards recovery. 

As an ambassador, actress and producer of our film "EMPTY", our objective is to offer our educational film to schools a crossed the United States. I understand the value in talking about these secrets we try to hide out of self preservation. However, as someone who has a history of nearly a century of eating disorders in my family, there is no better time then the present to start at the higher educational level.  
Recovery is a process! Never give up! KEEP SMILING!   
                                                                      

This weeks positive affirmation: 

"I have the world in my palm and a choice of what I want to do with it."

This weeks biblical citation: 

Ezekiel 36:26. “I will give you a new heart and put a new smile in you.”

Research links:

***EATING DISORDERS & THE BRAIN

https://www.sciencedaily.com/news/mind_brain/eating_disorders/

***SUBSTANCE ABUSE & EATING DISORDERS NEDA

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/substance-abuse-and-eating-disorders

EXCITING NEW PROJECTS:

Reel Stories Real People is excited about our educational film about eating disorders called Empty! We need your support. Please read more about our project, share, like and donate on Facebook. 

www.ReelStoriesRealPeople.org  

321-277-2279

info@reelstoriesrealpeople.org

FILM COMING SOON "EMPTY"

What are your children doing in the privacy of your own home? What does Cyber bullying really look like? Cyber bullying is like name calling in the 1980's on steroids! As a mother of an 11 year old daughter, I know first hand how remarks from peers can have a detrimental impact on today's youth.

My main objective in sharing my memoir  Misunderstood is to raise awareness about the many components that feed into an eating disorder. Every case is different, however the biological, social and psychological components continue to plague 30 million men and women of all backgrounds here in the U.S. alone. As a third generation eating disorder survivor parents continue to turn a blind eye.

Ask, my dear friend and news reporter Catherine Bosley how she was cyber bullied. You can visit her website to schedule an appointment. www.CatherineBosley.com

So, what can we do to educate today's youth on self esteem, body image and eating disorders?  Where do eating disorders come from? All the questions parents often ask their primary care physician are often unanswered. Well...

I am excited to announce a new education film I've been working on about eating disorders called "EMPTY." Reel Stories Real People is a non-profit 501(c) (3) Charitable Nonprofit Organization and we need your donations to make our film a reality!  Our team will be raising funds throughout 2018. We need your support!!! We will be filming in Cleveland, Ohio.

Ultimately we would like to offer all higher education schools a free video and teaching manual as part of students common core curriculum.

Please share my blog: http://www.sherhudy.blogspot.com

Please share and donate on our website:

 www.ReelStoriesRealPeople.org

Make it a good day!
Keep Smiling!

IF YOU GET STUCK ON THE LITTLE THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT EVER WORK ON THE BIG THINGS

If you focus your attention on the positive, you can find the power to do things that matter. Gratitude is an action word: I have to "act" on it! If I am focusing on the positive, I am going to get more gratitude, more power, and more joy.

It takes time to decipher what we really need to fully recover. What works for others may or may not work for you. Be patient! Keep things simple and keep moving. Respect yourself and your efforts to find recovery. Keep taking small risks, building trust with yourself, and focusing on the bigger picture, you will walk free if you work at it.

Here are some ideas that might help you find balance and perspective to maintain recovery.

• Do first things first. (Take care of basics and prioritize by what matters in the long run.)

• Do one thing at a time. (A day at a time is often too much in recovery. Think "one moment, one step, one choice and one decision at a time, so you don't feel so overwhelmed.)

• Be true to yourself, be honest, and be kind. (Integrity builds recovery.)

• Be at peace. (Recovery is not a box that you fit your life into: it is open and free. That doesn't mean everything is grand in your life, it means you can live in peace no matter what. Get past the idea that things are happening "to you" or because of you-they are just happening.)

• Forget about counting days and years of recovery. (Recovery is not about days, or months, or years. You can have years of recovery and still be rigid and stuck. Recovery is an inside job: you know you are there when you are at peace with food and in balance in other areas of your life.)

• Do what is in front of you and keep it simple. (Remember we have to take care of basics before we can do much else: if hungry, eat; if angry, find a safe outlet; if lonely, reach out; if tired, sleep; if ashamed, talk about it.)

• Lighten up-don't take life so seriously. (In our eating disorders we spend so much time afraid and alone-lost in ourselves-that we lost the joy in life. Recovery means finding humor. Laughing at myself reduces shame and puts things back in perspective. It's not all about me, which is easier to see when I laugh and find joy. Everybody has insecurities. We get so busy looking at ourselves and our deficiencies we forget how good it feels to share our experience of life.)

• Do the work. (In the "doing" comes the understanding and the recover: we have to do the work. We take the steps to change the way we think. When we change the way we think, we get options to change what we do. When we take the right actions, we start getting the right results. Not feeling "up to it" today? Ask yourself what you would do if you felt better-and then do it.

• Focus on the positive, and seek balance in everything. (Balance to me means asking. Where am I focusing my energy? Then, I work on putting my energy where it matters. For instance, at work recently, I was using up way too much energy on the negative by arguing with people. It was draining! I had to remember that whatever I give out is what I get back. So I changed my attitude and perspective, which changed the dynamic completely - and I got my peace back.

• Keep taking stock of where you are and respond accordingly. (I sometimes forget to take care of the simple things. I have to recognize that when my food and sleep get sideways, I have to change what I am thinking and doing to make sure I take care of myself so I can focus on the positive: going to church, going to meetings, talking with my partner and support people, and just doing what's in front of me.

• Stay accountable for your thoughts and actions. (Once I got to a point where I did not want my disease to keep me stuck where I did not want my disease to keep me stuck any longer,  started keeping myself accountable for my eating disorder and support people. Anne and I used to call this "telling on ourselves," which can sound like self-shaming, but we laughed a lot. It is amazing how silly our responses to life can be. I mean there is humor in admitting that, somebody didn't respond like I thought they should when I said something completely stupid, so now I want to shove food in my face. That will totally make it all better! Come on, people: lighten up! We are only as sick as our secrets!

• Find gratitude for what you have. (Gratitude is what makes it possible for me to do the things I need to do with love and compassion. I used to pray for the willingness to be willing. Now that comes easily because I experience the promises; I experience joy every day. It's the simple things.)

• Get into service: it is an important aspect of balance! (When I am too absorbed with myself now, I usually catch myself and laugh. Sometimes it is easy to forget that there is a whole other existence out there! When it's all about me, life can get awfully miserable. When it's all about how I can do to help others, it's amazing. When I found recovery, I also found empathy. My eyes opened up. Now I can see where people are hurting, and usually there is something right in front of me that I can do to help.)

For anorexia nervosa, researchers implicate genetic locus on chromosome 12: Powerful genomic study of anorexia nervosa conducted to date to identify the common roots anorexia shares with psychiatric, metabolic traits

Summary:

A landmark study has identified the first genetic locus for anorexia nervosa and has revealed that there may also be metabolic underpinnings to this potentially deadly illness.

A landmark study led by UNC School of Medicine researchers has identified the first genetic locus for anorexia nervosa and has revealed that there may also be metabolic underpinnings to this potentially deadly illness.

The study, which is the most powerful genetic study of anorexia nervosa conducted to date, included genome-wide analysis of DNA from 3,495 individuals with anorexia nervosa and 10,982 unaffected individuals.

If particular genetic variations are significantly more frequent in people with a disorder compared to unaffected people, the variations are said to be "associated" with the disorder. Associated genetic variations can serve as powerful pointers to regions of the human genome where disorder-causing problems reside, according to the National Human Genome Research Institute.

"We identified one genome-wide significant locus for anorexia nervosa on chromosome 12, in a region previously shown to be associated with type 1 diabetes and autoimmune disorders," said lead investigator, Cynthia Bulik, PhD, FAED, founding director of the UNC Center of Excellence for Eating Disorders and a professor at Karolinska Institutet in Stockholm, Sweden.

"We also calculated genetic correlations -- the extent to which various traits and disorders are caused by the same genes," said Bulik.

"Anorexia nervosa was significantly genetically correlated with neuroticism and schizophrenia, supporting the idea that anorexia is indeed a psychiatric illness."

"But, unexpectedly, we also found strong genetic correlations with various metabolic features including body composition (BMI) and insulin-glucose metabolism. This finding encourages us to look more deeply at how metabolic factors increase the risk for anorexia nervosa," Bulik said.

This study was conducted by the Psychiatric Genetics Consortium Eating Disorders Working Group -- an international collaboration of researchers at multiple institutions worldwide.

"In the era of team science, we brought over 220 scientists and clinicians together to achieve this large sample size. Without this collaboration we would never have been able to discover that anorexia has both psychiatric and metabolic roots," said Gerome Breen, PhD, of King's College London.

"Working with large data sets allows us to make discoveries that would never be possible in smaller studies," said Laramie Duncan, PhD, of Stanford University, who served as lead analyst on the project.

The researchers are continuing to increase sample sizes and see this as the beginning of genomic discovery in anorexia nervosa. Viewing anorexia nervosa as both a psychiatric and metabolic condition could ignite interest in developing or repurposing medications for its treatment where currently none exist.

May 12, 2017

Source: University of North Carolina Health Care

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Story Source:

Materials provided by University of North Carolina Health Care. Note: Content may be edited for style and length.

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Journal Reference:

1. Cynthia M. Bulik et al. Significant Locus and Metabolic Genetic Correlations Revealed in Genome-Wide Association Study of Anorexia Nervosa. American Journal of Psychiatry, 2017; appi.ajp.2017.1 DOI: 10.1176/appi.ajp.2017.16121402

ASSESSING SEVERITY OF EATING DISORDERS

All forms of eating disorders are dangerous. Electrolyte imbalances caused by over-exercise and other forms of purging can lead to heart failure. Health effects associated with binge eating obesity, sleep apnea, and diabetes. Anorexia is associated with the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. Regardless of type, eating disorders exist along a spectrum of severity, which, for brevity's sake, we will divide into three categories:

INCONSISTENT (irregular or intermittent):

People with inconsistent symptoms of an eating disorder may occasionally became obsessed with weight or body image, and sometimes engage in one or more behaviors that are hallmarks of a classic eating disorder: restriction of intake, bingeing, use of laxatives, enemas, exercise, or other forms of purging. Such people may or may not develop a full-blown eating disorder or be aware that their behavior is dangerous. People with occasional symptoms are usually able to maintain something that looks like a normal life and may be relatively unconcerned about changing.

CONSISTENT (regular and persistent):

People who routinely engage in eating- disordered thoughts and behaviors may be very ill, but may respond favorably to one or more treatment options such as nutritional counseling, individual therapy, intensive outpatient therapy, or inpatient treatment.

RESISTANT (obsessive and intractable):

People who become obsessed in their engagement with eating-disordered thoughts and behaviors often report feeling hopeless about their condition; many get to a point where a normal life seems impossible. Most have tried one or more forms of treatment, yet despite progress toward recovery, patterns of negative thinking (thoughts that lead to anger, resentment, fear, self-piety, shame, guilt, confusion, frustration and despair) seem impossible to escape. When such thoughts occur, people with more severe eating disorders revert to restricting, binging, and/or purging no matter how dire the consequences. People thus situated have lost faith in the idea they can walk away from their eating disorders; they have fundamentally lost trust in themselves.

8 Topics to Explore

What has been causing our emotional disturbance? We must use our new frame of reference to define a sane response or resolution to life's inevitable challenges.

8 Topics to Explore

1. Resentment:

people and institutions with which we have an old anger that was never fully resolved

2. Fear:

things that frightened or still frighten us

3. Self-pity:

reasons we felt or feel sorry for ourselves

4. Shame:

things about which we felt or feel ashamed, despite not being responsible for them

5. Guilt or "harms done":

wrongs we had done or are doing to others

6. Confusion:

situations where we felt or still feel abandoned or bewildered

7. Frustration:

things that made or make us angry, even if we have no resentment in connection to them

8. Despair:

reasons for hopelessness, past and present 

The 12 Steps of Eating Disorders Anonymous

1. We admitted we were powerless over our eating disorders-that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a POWER greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of GOD as we understand god.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to GOD, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have GOD remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked GOD to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with GOD as we understood GOD,  praying only for knowledge of GOD'S will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others with eating disorders, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.💓💓💓💓💓💓💓😇

FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT EATING DISORDER ANONYMOUS PLEASE VISIT

http://www.eatingdisordersanonymous.org/

My Anorexia Story Actress Shares 30 Year Struggle

My Anorexia Story

Good Morning! Thank you for your continued support. As I head into the final leg of writing my memoir prior to publication, I've put together an inspirational video to share with you my journey. Please share with someone seeking hope and faith that all things are possible! Thank you for watching! I will be updating my blog with new research data and statistics this spring. https://youtu.be/9J3M7Q1K1cs

Jay Rossi Show

http://youtu.be/o9FyblUBksc

National Eating Disorder Awareness week for 2014 begins Feb 23-March 1

Here is the link used by NEDA with valuable information for individuals and their families seeking information about eating disorders. Proud To Be Me http://www.proud2bme.org

Nip Tuck

Prayers needed for my sister Tina Hudak-Paradis.

MY DAILY PRAYER TO OVERCOME THE CHAINS OF HELL

                                   PRAYER to RISE

                                                                  2014

         FATHER I come to YOU in the name of JESUS, asking for your help in my life. 

Thank you for knowing and loving me completely.
YOU know all of my struggles I'm facing concerning FOOD, EXERCISE and BODY IMAGE.
I CONFESS that I have turned to food to be my source of love, comfort, and joy when I should be turning to YOU instead. I ASK FOR FORGIVENESS FOR THAT.
Be Lord and Savior over my body and life.

         Father I ask for YOU to help me with my attitudes, choices and behaviors towards food. 
Where I have incorrect, unhealthy approaches, I ask, Lord, for YOU to give me GUIDANCE and WISDOM as to how and what I am supposed to eat in order to be YOUR HEALTHY CREATION.
         
         In the name and by the blood of Jesus, I cast down wrong ways of thinking and feeling about myself, whether they are from my childhood or more recent days. 
I ASK FOR FORGIVENESS in these matters, involving each person concerned.

       HELP ME TO LEARN  YOUR LOVE and YOUR WAYS, how to be YOUR daughter in spirit , soul and body, so that I may Love and glorify YOU and BE WHO YOU CREATED ME TO BE. 

 I ask all of this in Jesus name.

Amen.
 

NEDA AWARENESS 2014

• ABOUT
• GET HELP
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NEDAWARENESS WEEK KEY MESSAGES

The goal of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week is to promote
public and media attention to the seriousness of eating disorders and
improve education about the biological underpinnings,environmental
triggers, warning signs and how to help those struggling. Education
and direction to resources can lead to earlier detection, intervention,
and help-seeking, ultimately improving likelihood of full recovery.

2014 Theme: I Had No Idea

This year the National Eating Disorders Association is stressing the need
to address eating disorder misconceptions - as many individuals, families,
and communities are not aware of the often devastating mental and physical
consequences - and highlights available resources for treatment and support.
We urge you to talk about the pressures, attitudes and behaviors that shape
these disorders with your family, friends, colleagues and community by doing
just one thing during NED Awareness Week. Your participation will
1) raise awareness that eating disorders are serious illnesses, not lifestyle
choices; 2)provide accurate information to medical, educational and/or business
communities,and 3) direct people to potentially life-saving information and
resources about eating disorders.

Join Us, and Do Just One Thing

You don’t need to have a lot of time, money or other resources to make a
 difference.

Simply choose
one thing you will do to help. Here are a few examples:

• Bring a NEDAwareness Week Volunteer Speaker to your PTA, workplace,
  college campus, club, etc.
• Download and print a free copy of NEDA’s Educator Toolkit, Parent Toolkit
  and Coach & 
• Athletic Trainer Toolkit to give to your local schools
• Provide accurate information: Put NEDAwareness Week posters, pamphlets
  and handouts in your 
• schools, community centers, medical offices or workplaces
• Maximize the power of your social networking: Join our campaign by tweeting
  a fact about eating 
• disorders, post one of the many NEDAwareness Week articles, share
  NEDAwareness
  Week videos and infographics, post the NEDA Helpline, share a link to
  NEDA’s online
  eating disorder screening

Eating disorders are serious illnesses, not lifestyle choices. 

Eating disorders are complex illnesses that arise from a combination of long-standing
behavioral,emotional, psychological, interpersonal, biological and social factors. As our
natural body size and shape is largely determined by genetics, fighting our natural
size and shape can lead to unhealthy dieting practices, poor body image and
decreased self-esteem. Body dissatisfaction and thin ideal
internalization are both significant risk factors for the development of eating disorder
behaviors like restricting and binge eating. While eating disorders may begin
with preoccupations with food and weight, they are about much more than food.
Recent research has shown that genetic factors create
vulnerabilities that place individuals at risk for acting on cultural pressures and
using food to feel in control or manage overwhelming emotions. 

In the United States, 20 million women and 10 million men suffer from a clinically
significant eating disorder at some time in their life, including anorexia nervosa,
bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder, or other specified feeding or eating
disorder (OSFED).

Education, early intervention, and access to care are critical.

Early diagnosis and intervention significantly enhance recovery. If not identified or
treated in their early stages, eating disorders can become chronic, debilitating,
and even life-threatening conditions. A review of nearly fifty years of research
confirms that anorexia nervosa has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric
disorder . As a culture, it is time for all communities to talk about eating disorders,
address their contributing factors, advocate for access to treatment and take action
for early intervention. You can make a difference: do just one thing to initiate
awareness, education and discussion about eating disorders in your community.
If we all do something, we’ll have a tremendous impact!

Help is available, and recovery is possible.

While eating disorders are serious, potentially life-threatening illnesses, help is
available and recovery is possible. It is important for those affected, and their loved
ones, to remember that they are not alone in their struggle. Others have recovered
and are now living healthy fulfilling lives. Let the National Eating Disorders Association
 (NEDA) be a part of your network of support. NEDA has information and
resources available via our website and helpline:www.NationalEatingDisorders.org,
NEDA Helpline:
800-931-2237.

Download and share the 2014 Key Messages here.

References 

Stice, E. (2002). Risk and maintenance factors for eating pathology:
A meta-analytic review.
Psychological Bulletin, 128, 825-848. PMID: 12206196

Arcelus, J., Mitchell, A. J., Wales, J., & Nielsen, S. (2011). Mortality
rates in patients with
Anorexia Nervosa and other eating disorders. Archives of General
 Psychiatry, 68(7), 724-731.

There is a purpose of suffering and why it happens!

"Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."
James 1:2-4

Perseverance is required so that you may mature and feel complete by lacking nothing.

Dietary Protein and Resistance Exercise

A dear friend of mine Dr. Lonnie Lowery just finished putting together this book! I recommend those of you struggling with an eating disorder to read it! Weight training and quality protein has saved my life.

It's taken me over 15 years to heal and overcome by obsession to be thin. I'm proud to say even at well...almost 40 I'm finally there! For those of you longing to be thin...break those bad records playing in your head over and over. Lead by example! Discover how you can be fit and healthy at any age without being tied down by your eating disorder.

Check out the book Dietary Protein and Resistance Exercise and look for photo's of me in it!
Dream it, Believe it, JUST DO IT and make it happen!
Choose Recovery Today!
Thanks again to Dr. Lonnie Lowery for years of support and friendship!
Cheers

http://www.crcpress.com/product/isbn/9781439844564;jsessionid=Fhtu1bUmvuqvtVvC01P8Wg

Killing Us Softly

Take a look at this!
Killing Us Softly
http://front.moveon.org/kate-winslet-i-dont-look-like-that-and-i-dont-desire-to-look-like-that/#.T0DmJCwS5q).mailto

Video of my sister on her journey through recovery!

Watch the following video of my sister Tina Paradis on her journey! Which road will you take?

Tina Paradis Video

4 Generations of Eating Disorders! Let's reach out to family members and support them through recovery!

If you think eating disorders can't happen in your family take a look. Our family has four generations of eating disorders. Please support individuals struggling and get them help before it's too late!

For those of you who have followed my blog about my journey through recovery know I'm a success story!

But...as you watch the video, of my only remaining sibling; you will notice the path to recovery can be long and difficult. What you will witness is not only a cry for help but, one of the thousands of people struggling on a daily basis.

Please take a moment and share my blog with someone you know who is struggling with body image, self esteem and/or an eating disorder. Recovery won't happen without the support of others.

May 2012 bring you all health and happiness!

Positive thoughts only for anorexia and bulimia! Quote of the day!

" Take a chance make mistakes that is how you grow."
                                                                 Mary Tyler Moore

Core Question

Question:
Why is it so hard to see what is right?

Answer:
ISOLATION

Note: Recovery requires opening yourself up to facing life with the assistance of others. Recovery doesn't happen alone!

Key Components in recovery:
1. Find a qualified professional you feel comfortable with helping you on your journey.
2. Believe you need help and know it's ok to ask for it and take full advantage of that opportunity.
3. Remember life is about picking ourselves up when we fall. Sometimes it takes a few more people then we anticipate. 
4. It is ok to open ourselves up to accepting NOBODY'S PERFECT! 
5. Come up with a plan and stick to it!
6. Ask yourself how many people are being affected by your behavior and start the process of change.

Quote of the day!

" A man is what he thinks all day long."
                           Ralph Waldo Emerson
               **one of the wisest men who ever lived**

What % of your day do you spend thinking about food, weight and hunger?

People with anorexia nervosa spend 90-100%  of their waking time thinking about food, weight and hunger.

People with bulimia nervosa spend 70-90% of their total conscious time thinking about food and weight-related issues.

By comparison, women with normal eating habits will probably spend about 10-15% of their waking time thinking about food, weight, and hunger.

In my experience...for many years, dieting lead to fasting. Fasting lead to binging. Binging lead to taking speed. Speed lead to taking laxatives. One viscous cycle went unbroken for 15 years.

Ask yourself...Where does the pressure to succeed come from?

FACT:
Dissatisfaction with appearance is tied closely to our society and peer pressure.

Positive quote:
"Never limit yourself because of others limited imagination; never limit others because of your own imagination."

Bits and Pieces from my memoir...Your Will Not Mine! A 15 year journey through recovery. If I can beat the demons (anorexia, bulimia) so can you! Coming out soon...

            ***We all have a cross to bear and this is mine.***

                                                             Matt 7:13-14
                                The narrow road that leads to life is that of the cross.


Forgiveness is the beginning of a long process of healing and enables you to open your heart to love.

When did I begin to face the demon?
I realized I had an extremely distorted perception of myself and my body upon graduating from high school. I struggled with body image and my relationship with food since puberty.

When did I begin seeking treatment?
A few years out of high school. After my return from California.I received limited treatment in-patient and little treatment out-patient. Once I was dedicated to accepting the process of healing I believed one day I could put my struggles behind me. It took many years to be in the place I am today. Now, I can feel what it is like to truly live and enjoy happy moments without my obsession weighing me down.

What went so wrong in my life that my existence became endless hours of obsessive thinking, working out and starvation?
To many I  was just a complicated individual. Anorexia is very complicated but once we understand where the web began we can start the process of untangling the web we find ourselves suffocating in.

A few factors leading me down a crooked path of existing with anorexia/bulimia...
Loss of touch with acceptance of oneself during puberty, my innocence lost due to abuse, my inability to accept change as a part of surviving,.weak relationships with men, modeling, the pressure of society to be thin, lack of faith and understanding, broken support system, genetics and loving a fast pace life at a young age with lots of money!! I'm still amazed how I pulled through such a crazy mixed up life. But I did and so can you!!!!! Recovery will take commitment to the process and patience as time will heal.

So, what is my background?
I come from a hard working middle class now divorced family of 2.5 kids. We had horses, dogs, chickens, ducks and roosters all surrounded by a white picket fence. I was an average student. I can remember from a very young age always having stars in my eyes.

So what happened?
Modeling made it impossible for me to see the person I was on the inside. I was consumed with others opinions of what beautiful meant and at the time thought "the thinner the better."
My parents divorced after 25 years.
LIFE...It happens!!!! Acknowledge where you've been and start planning a future by confronting issues that needed to be dealt with. Start moving forward towards healing.

Where does it get so complicated?
Well it does...puberty, boys, school, modeling, heartbreak, wealth, fame, divorce, death, oh and then on top of all of the I guess typical obstacles of life a divorce and oh yeah the house burns down. That's right! So what does one do? Exactly what I did for many years! Isolated, fasted, cried, prayed, exercised, and ran away from the pain I was feeling. But, honestly its all worked out! I've worked hard for many years as I faced the grip anorexia, bulimia had over me almost taking my life a few times.

So, what's the point?
I guess the many years of giving into my obsession to be thin and wasting away the pain I was feeling by allowing anorexia to take over was worth it. If I can help one person stay on the right path.

The road to recovery was long, exhausting and often overwhelming. Recovery was difficult, frustrating and well worth the reward to finally identify what was most important in my life. One must see recovery is a process and trust in that process.

What is most important in my life is learning to live and to be free from the chains of hell my eating disorders  had over my freedom.

Acknowledge that recovery for each individual will be different. Hold onto the desire to get well and one day you will look back and see  "RECOVERY IS A PROCESS"


What do I hope to accomplish with my memoir?
I hope to accomplish many things.
1.  I hope my story will explain my behavior to the individuals who have always been there for me. I'm not asking for piety just some understanding for my behavior.
2.  I hope my story will help individuals struggling with an eating disorder see the NOT SO PRETTY SIDE OF BEING ANOREXIC/BULIMIC and it's ability to strip you of time!
3. I hope my story will allow families to pick up the pieces of their lives and take responsibility for whatever part they have played in feeding into and creating the demon.
4. For those of you currently struggling I BELIEVE MY STORY WILL HELP YOU GET YOUR LIFE BACK.
***Each chapter lists a positive affirmation and biblical citation which will guide you through the process of healing and moving forward through recovery.
5. I'd like to bring to the table the gift of forgiveness and believing anything is possible if we BELIEVE!
6. I hope my material will better explain  how the many layers of how an eating disorder can develop. (even to a family that appears on the outside to be pretty "Perfect"!)
7.I hope my story will allow the reader struggling to see that no matter how bad you want to remain tied to particularly anorexia if it's god's will to heal you he will bend and break you to your knees until you see what he has been trying to open your eyes to.
8. I hope my memoir can be used as a teaching tool to show you the value of living for the sake of living and not for the sake of feeding into society's ideal of what its like to feel alive!!!!!!!!!!
9. I hope my memoir will help individuals see where the pressure is coming from and take responsibility to change their behaviors.
10. Recovery can't be done alone. Start the process now by admitting you need help and take the necessary steps to embrace recovery.
11. Remind yourself when you feel overwhelmed...Matthew 9:12 "It's not the healthy that needs a Dr., but the sick.
12. Finally, ask yourself... Is your life  really that bad? I promise you once you begin making progress in your recovery you will see yourself and the world around you from a more accurate perspective.


Recovery is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've learned through the years that no matter what we experience on our journey through life that with forgiveness, faith and the will to move passed the pain, "this too shall pass."